That night, my womb was more naked than before,
a seedless papaya of an unfertilized flower.
Hidden in my room with my hands
on my lower abdomen, I cried and knelt
as my blood clots were flowing
like the ube roots regrowing on rainy days.
I waited for you for a long time.
But not like this, my dearest child.
My small-boned hand gently caught you,
the most tender land my ancestors
prepared for me. I blanketed you with my palm,
praying to Santo Niño that it was not as painful
as what your Mama felt. I continued to bleed
as I imagined you having a family
of your own and my grandchildren’s faces.
In this room, my cradling arms were made of tears
while I sang to you the only lullaby
my mother had ever taught me.
Dandansoy, bayaan ta ikaw
Pauli ako sa Payaw
Ugaling kon ikaw hidlawon,
Ang Payaw imo lang lantawon.
Cindy Velasquez
Cindy Velasquez is a full professor at the University of San Carlos in Cebu City, Philippines. An alumna of several fellowships in creative writing and art criticism, she received a National Commission for Culture and the Arts grant for Basabalak Kanunay, the poetry podcast she produces and hosts which features Bisaya poets and their works. Velasquez and her co-composer Jude Gitamondoc won the 43rd Gawad Urian Awards for Best Music for the song “Usa ka Libo ug Usa ka Panamilit” (“A Thousand and One Goodbyes”) in 2020.
